My Dad

Dear Dr. Bob,
There is something wrong with my dad. He hardly ever calls me, talks only about himself when he does, and gets his feeling hurt if I plan things and don't invite him. What's his problem?
Janet, Pleasanton


Dear Janet,
There is plenty of information available on the web about personality traits and disorders. I suspect your dad has been this way awhile, if not a long while, and he seems to be ok with who he is. If you talk to him about the relationship, he may not be willing or able to change. In his mind, I suspect he doesn't think he has a problem. It appears you have a problem because you want to have a different type of father. It sounds like you don't get what you need from him and that is very hurtful. 


Accepting our parents for who they are, and who they are not, is one of life's most difficult challenges. Coping with life on life's terms is a life long growth step. However if the relationship is toxic or abusive (rather than simply annoying), it's best to protect yourself with some distance between the two of you. At that point the acceptance is not of his behavior, which is unacceptable, but that he is a troubled man whose problems you can't fix. If you can tolerate your dad, some professional help may assist you in understanding why this relationship is so painful and what you can do to maintain it. Relationships sometimes change over time as both parties get older and wiser!
Dr. B